Friday, May 20, 2011

Some details

 Things have been so crazy...I am going through big changes in multitudes of ways...
First, I went vegan. Just this last week. It's big, because I am a huge carnivore. I LOVE a huge burger. I would  kill for one. I am still craving them somewhat, but it is subsiding a little. I LOVE cheese. I eat it on everything plus eat handfulls of it out of the bag whenever possible. Mind you I have been trying to  lose weight...anyway, I had the option of going gradually but hey, what's the point? If you're going to do it, just do it, right? I also am quitting processed sugar and most other sugar. I also am quitting diet soda. I LOVE diet coke, I have been addicted to it for centuries. And I'm going through major withdrawls now that I am hoping will leave me feeling super good afterwards. I'm doing it for my health. I'm doing it for ethical reasons. I'm doing it for the planet. I'm doing it to lose weight too. I just want to feel good again. I have been in so much pain for so long..with ME. So exausted .
Second,(or third or fourth) I am starting a new therapist. I like her. She is right up my alley. Alternative and holistic but professional. She even does Reiki! We started right in with my horrible self image.
Next, I am getting re-evaluated by a psychiatrist. When I was evaluated before, they finally diagnosed me correctly, with Borderline Personality Disorder. They just have never been able to find the correct med or meds to help me long term. It has been an ungodly struggle. But I have hope.
Lastly, I am on a spiritual quest. I just got the book "Essential Spirituality" which seems to be a good fit for the things I am looking for. I don't want to try to fit into just one philosophy. I want to find the good in each of the major religions of the world, and start meditating and doing other practices.
I also decided that I don't want to dye my hair anymore. The time  has come to welcome grey with grace.
I  kind of feel all disconbobulated right now, with all this going on at once. Although I don't feel so fuzzy in the brain and confused as I usually do. I just feel really different.
I'm so excited for all the food choices there are! I am having a super blast reading vegan cookbooks and going "MMMMMMMMM!" at everything. My  husband is actually doing this with me. He also told me he wanted to read Essential Spirituality when I'm done, so he will be on the same page with me. How wonderful can he be? xxxxx
I am so enraptured by nature right now-with photography I see a whole new world through the camera. I appreciate the colors and the deterioration, the people in such different circumstances. It's like when I have my camera, I go into a fantasty world that only I can see. It is  so much what my soul wants to do.
I am almost finished with my fifth collection piece. I am loving it so hard!! I am incorporating sixties style with a bit of modern edge and modern fabrics. I had some excellent vintage poly in the best print ever for bellbottoms(actually sort of between a bellbottom and a flare), but mr. fiveorsix said, do you really want to  make anyone suffer with that old kind of poly on their skin? Some of it is better than others, and this one was heavy and would probably cause a lot of unpleasantness. I did however find something very cool instead!  I am so excited about it.
p.s. I decided that bleaching my hair out three times to get it white and tone it grey was sooooo damaging, that I'm just staying red. Hey, Vivienne is still dying hers....xx


thewonderfulhappens said...

I am excited for you in all of your new adventures!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a lot of positive changes. My daily mantra is show up and be willing to be imperfect.
Good luck with your new vision!

deborah said...

yes, i have to be willing to be imperfect=) i am so hard on myself. thank you xx